Exes
I was having dinner with a friend today and she said something that got me thinking a lot. She mentioned that she doesn't keep in touch with her exes; she makes a conscious effort to NOT see them. Don't ask me why, but this struck me as a new thing. I mean, I don't keep in close contact with every girl I've ever had feelings for, but whenever I have broken up with someone, I have assumed that I would at least make some sort of effort to remain in contact with them at the very least. Of course, there is always a necessary separation before any kind of "friendship" can begin, but I have always operated on the assumption that I would work at making that happen, and that the other party was doing the same... call me optimistic.
However, in talking with my friend, I can definitely see the logic in just never seeing the ex again. I mean, you don't ever truly get over someone after being so deeply emotionally connected to them. You can move on to a new life and certainly reach a point where you can see them without flinching (At least I've gotten there in the past, I'll keep you posted on the most recent...) but you are always connected in some way to this person. That being the case, it can be just devastating to watch this person, who has meant EVERYTHING to you for so long, seemingly move on without a second thought for you. Of course, they will be moving on whether or not you are there to see it, but out of sight out of mind right? I'm beginning to think that I have put myself through some rather gut-wrenching experiences in the recent past all in the name of maintaining a relationship. As such, part of me would like nothing more than to sever all ties and be done with it.
However (you knew that was coming), the other side of me feels like it would be such a waste to take such drastic measures. I mean, this is someone who has been the single most important part of your life for a period of months, or even years. How strange to suddenly decide to never speak to them again. It seems like such a waste. I think the answer is probably somewhere in the middle (surprise). I need to be more careful to take myself into account before putting myself in a place to be hurt, but I can't shut myself away so much as to completely sever ties to a person who meant so much to me for a time.
Damn that seems like a lot of work for a relationship that doesn't even exist any more...
However, in talking with my friend, I can definitely see the logic in just never seeing the ex again. I mean, you don't ever truly get over someone after being so deeply emotionally connected to them. You can move on to a new life and certainly reach a point where you can see them without flinching (At least I've gotten there in the past, I'll keep you posted on the most recent...) but you are always connected in some way to this person. That being the case, it can be just devastating to watch this person, who has meant EVERYTHING to you for so long, seemingly move on without a second thought for you. Of course, they will be moving on whether or not you are there to see it, but out of sight out of mind right? I'm beginning to think that I have put myself through some rather gut-wrenching experiences in the recent past all in the name of maintaining a relationship. As such, part of me would like nothing more than to sever all ties and be done with it.
However (you knew that was coming), the other side of me feels like it would be such a waste to take such drastic measures. I mean, this is someone who has been the single most important part of your life for a period of months, or even years. How strange to suddenly decide to never speak to them again. It seems like such a waste. I think the answer is probably somewhere in the middle (surprise). I need to be more careful to take myself into account before putting myself in a place to be hurt, but I can't shut myself away so much as to completely sever ties to a person who meant so much to me for a time.
Damn that seems like a lot of work for a relationship that doesn't even exist any more...
posted by MadMusician at 1:38 PM
3 Comments:
Honey, this has nothing to do with your post, per say, but I really miss you and wish you were here. I do understand the feelings of complete lonliness though.
Oh, and thanks for the warm welcome to blogging land!!
Love you!!
Thanks for the thoughts Abra. I miss you too. We have GOT to get together, and soon.
are you coming to the west coast anytime soon? your timing was so bad last time, the job i was in had just become completely horrid. come visit!!!!!!!!
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